so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
