i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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