Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
