so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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