I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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