I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
