i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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