after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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