the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
