If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
