I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
