At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Drake has all the answers
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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