She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
