just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
