The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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