Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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