someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
