i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
