It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
