When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
