You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
