I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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