So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
