I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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