I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
