youre lurking in front of me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
