We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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