JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
