i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
