Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
