She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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