im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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