I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
