We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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