nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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