My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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