By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
