I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
