Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
