You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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