Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
