My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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