who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
