the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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