I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
