I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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