The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
