Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
