How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
