Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
